The Ten Words From
God pt4:
Family, You Just
Gotta Love Them
By Rev Steven R
Mitchell
Based on Exodus
20:12, Deut 5:16, and Sirach 3:1-16
For Mountain View
United, Aurora, CO 1/11/2015
The
other day, as I was watching “Fried Green Tomatoes”, I was reminded about my
childhood surroundings. The story takes
place in a small rural community; a community small enough where your business
seemed to be the business of everyone who lived in that community. To many people that may seem to be just a little
too cozy. The movie pointed out to me
the differences between my childhood youth and that of my children and now my
grandchildren.
The
community that I grew up in was in south central Kansas with a population of 3,000
people. My family was one of the earlier
settlers in that community, meaning that I was directly related to about 1/3rd
of the community, and being related through marriages to another 1/3rd
of the community. In otherwords, if you
and I were not related by blood or through marriage, you and your family were
“new comers”. Believe me when I tell you
that there wasn’t anything that I did away from home that my mother didn’t know
about by the time I did get home. I lived in a community where as a seven year
old,I could walk a mile to the local swimming pool or spend part of my day
milling around the stores downtown by myself.
Even though I thought I was doing things on my own, there were hundreds
of eyes on me all the time. My children
never knew that type of freedom. They
were raised in communities of a million people or more. There was not the ability to be nurtured in a
community where there was extended family to look after them. They only got to see their grandparents with
planned visits. I was able to walk to my
grandmother’s house daily after school.
They did not have the opportunity to have weekly family gatherings where
their aunts and uncles would gather, for meals, table games, and sharing
stories of days gone by; not just of family history, but of the history of my community.
We
live in a world where many families do not live in the same communities as
their parents or siblings, raising their children where there is no extended
family nearby. The fifth commandment of
“Honor your father and mother” is a word of wisdom that is going to be very
difficult to understand by our future generations because of the mobility that
we have in this country. I suspect that
many of us when hearing this particular word from God probably think that to
“honor our parents” means to put them up on a pedestal. It may even mean to some of us, that we have
to endure our elders. I was told by my
son, that it was his duty to care for me in my aging years because I was his father
and that is what the bible tells him to do.
My response was not so agreeable.
I responded by saying, “I would prefer that he not take care of me in my
aging years because the bible tells him to do so, but rather out of love for me
and if he couldn’t then it would be best for him not to involve himself.”
Sounds
pretty harsh I am sure, but I think this is where the misunderstanding comes
about this commandment. We have been
taught that the focus is that on adult child and aging parent, which it is, but
it goes beyond that of the nuclear family.
This commandment is speaking to the collectiveness of the community that
we all bring to that community. It
really focuses on cherishing the gift of human relationships.
I
often joke about the number of “mothers” that I have in my life. I tell people that I am more than what one
mother could handle, so I needed the guidance of three other mothers to help
keep me in line. What it really speaks
to is my appreciation of extended family, of relationships. Sister Joan Chittister writes : This commandment tells us to honor whatever
it is, whoever it is whose place in our life has been a place of honor, the
ones who brought us to growth, to wholeness of life, the ones whose ways have
given direction to our own. This
gives a much broader view than dealing with just biological connections. For me this includes those teachers who
influenced me as a student. Women like
Mss Settles, my kindergarten teacher, and Mss Dewisse my second grade teacher
who took her whole summer providing summer classes for me and a handful of
students, so that we could advance with our class to the third grade because we
didn’t receive what we needed by our first grade teacher. There was coach Ward, my basket ball coach
who gave me encouragement when I wasn’t the most physically coordinated player
on the team, or my father-in-law who shared with me about what to look for in
wise investments. It speaks to how I
honor my mother and father’s memory. My
mother’s greatest gift to her children was the display of “unconditional
love.” I honor my father by remembering
how he showed his care for me when he would include me as a 5 yr old on his
camping trips, sharing little lessons on how to respect people of all walks of
life. The fifth commandment speaks about
the generational connectedness. This
commandment doesn’t speak just about how we view the generation before us, but
also about the generations that come after us.
I marvel at the number of people that I have met in the past year who
have moved just to be near their grandchildren.
I
am now in the age bracket of adult children who have aging parents, meeting the
challenge of “how to care for our parents when they are no longer able to care
for themselves.” Although both of
parents have pasted on, there are still three aunts who are alive and I am
seeing how their children are changing their lives around to accommodate the
needs of their parents. One set of
cousins are figuring out how to cope with their mothers need to move out of the
house that has been her home for 55+ years, another who is giving up her time
with her own grandchildren to be with her mother who is living in a care home,
and the third set of children who have moved into providing community service
in honor of their parents who are no longer able to physically help but are
involved none the less. Honor
your father and your mother.
(read Lost Generation)
Coming
back to the movie, “Fried Green Tomatoes”, I said it reminded me of my
childhood. The story is very simple. It is a story of one elderly woman who is
living in a care home sharing her life’s story with a complete stranger – a
middle-aged woman. In that sharing they
develop a deep friendship. In these
stories came a connecting of the past to the present and a bridge built for the
future. In the closing lines of the
movie, the elderly Mrs Threadgood says to the middle-aged Evelyn, “You know
what I think is the most important thing in life! Family and friends.” The Fifth commandment asks us to keep the most
important aspect of life – for by honoring our parents we honor ourselves and
the generations to come. Amen
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