Throughts on a funeral service of a murder victim

Last week I was asked to officiate a funeral service for a 32 yr old man who was gunned down in his driveway in Casper, WY, by three young men, ages 17,18, & 23. These young men had rather lengthy criminal records already.
Funeral services are often difficult to conduct. Sometimes they are difficult because of the circumstances, other times they are difficult because you know the family, other times it is because you do not know the family. This particular service was very difficult for me as it hit home with my personal experience of feeling the pain of a loved one dying because of a violent death.
This service brought up many feelings that I thought had been dealt with, with the death of Howard Pickens, the man that I had dated for 5 yrs. At times our relationship seemed rocky, as Howard was a man who always thought the grass would be greener on the otherside of the fence. Yet, even with that issue, I always saw the two of us growning old together. My love for Howard was very deep to say the least. As it happened, Howard had met a woman on a cruise and over the course of about a year had decided to move down to where she lived to see how deep that relationship would go. After about six weeks, he had announced his engagement to her. Of course this was a deep blow to me, but not unexpected.
The following night, Howard was returning to her home after work, and as he was getting out of his car, was shot in the head twice by two persons who had just executed two men, two houses down from where he was at. The driver of the car eventually turned himself in, but never exposed who the other gunman was, so the case is still open.
What I remember is recieving a phone call around 11pm that evening from one of Howard's daughters in tears trying to tell me that he had been shot and killed. Instantly, my world as well as theirs had become 'surreal' and the days following, were very difficult with respect to keeping ones mind on task. I recall how very angry I was at Howard for moving down to New Orleans and placing himself in harmsway. I also remember the disbelieve at how none shallantly the police treated his murder and not doing everything they could (legal and illegal) in gaining the information that the driver of the murder car had.
None the less, the service that I was being asked to do last week in Green River, brought up all these memories as well as the realization of just howmuch I still miss Howard and the love that we gave to each other. I think that is the most difficult part of all is realizing the love that is no longer able to be mutually shared. I found myself crying during a movie last evening because it was expressing similar loss of friends. I sometimes wonder if I will ever move beyond the pain and sorrow of his death.
So, I have decided to share the Memorial thoughts that I gave to the family of Chad Ferguson, the man who was murdered for just a few dollars, several weeks ago in Casper, WY by three men who obviously felt that they were more important and their needs greater than Chads.
Meditational Thoughts:
I would like to share with you as family and friends of Chad, a couple of thoughts that come to my mind with the event of his death. The first recorded death in the Bible was from the act of murder, with a man named Cain killing his younger brother Abel, out of what seems to be jealousy. From that time forward, death by the hands of humans toward other humans has continued, for a variety of explanations, but ultimately it comes from a fundamental brokenness between humanity and God.
In the story of Cain, there seemed to be little remorse of his actions toward what he had done to his brother Abel, rather, he was more concerned about what was going to happen to him as God cast him out of the safety of his family. So we are told that God placed a mark upon Cain as a way of telling the world to stay away from this person.
In the death of Chad, there is not just one victim, but many. You Holly and Wade as sister and brother are victims to this crime. You as a Father, Bob, are a victim, as well as everyone else who is related to Chad. Those who are friends with Chad are victims as well. And as much as we wish not to acknowledge the three men who were involved with Chad’s death, they too are victims. Like Cain, everyone who knows Chad is marked for the rest of our lives with this act of violence on Chad.
I speak about this not from someone who is an outsider, but as one who has also been marked by the loss of someone who died, by an act of violence, very much like Chad. There are questions of “why”; why would anyone do something like this? There is not just grief but feelings of violation to one’s very core, making us realize just how fragile life is and how vulnerable any one of us can be. There is tremendous anger that accompanies the grief, so much so, that if left un-dealt with will in itself become a killer within our own person.
There may be explanations by those who took Chad’s life, but there truly are no real answers, because, in violent death there is no real sense to it. Intellectually we will never be able to reconcile the “whys”. Within our heart, the only way to repair the pain and anguish is to understand how God must have felt the day that His own son was murdered by those who were ultimately afraid of the message of “love” and “reconciliation”. We know through Jesus of Nazareth life and teaching, that God truly loves us all and stands not just beside us during these times of horrible loss, but is there carrying us in His hands through these particularly dark valleys; caring for us through the comfort, care, and concern of our family and friends. It is through this support group that we most see God’s love being pouring out upon us.
Don’t shy away from this gift of love being presented to you. Let your hearts be open, let the tears flow as they are a source of healing. The other painful part of loosing Chad is not just in saying “good-bye”, but in the fact that there will be months of having to relive his death with the trials of those three young men who chose to end Chad’s life.
Because of the ongoing process of their actions, you in many ways can become victims daily if you so allow yourselves. Although the pain and anger is strong today, I ask that you shield yourselves in the “love and care” of God. In the proceeding days, months and possibly years, the only way that you will be able to not continually be victimized by these three men will be to release the hatred that is a natural reaction toward those who have hurt you by taking Chad from you.

I would like to share with you a scripture that speaks to the love that can come with God’s help. In many ways it also speaks to the way that Chad looked at life.
Reading from I Corinthians 13
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
8-10Love never dies. 12We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!
13But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.